Connor Krammer

Muv-Luv Feedback

489 posts in this topic

@rlranft Maybe.  But they'll need to weigh the benefits having testers for the scripting(since the engine itself won't need it) against the drawback of having the official translated version - beta or no - on torrent sites before the game even goes up for sale.  It's hard enough to convince people to wait for the official version instead of impatiently settling for the fan translation.  Quite a few of them likely won't wait a month or more longer for a beta to complete.

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@rlranft Trust me, I'm usually firmly in the camp of taking as much time and using as many resources as possible to ensure the most solid release possible.  In this case, however, we're talking about a medium where the difference between a beta and the release will be practically nil.  If someone pirates the beta version, the only reason they would have to buy a release copy would be an ethical one.  Unfortunately, the combination of a reliance on fan translations(until recently) and the high cost of importing has left many VN readers in the west somewhat lacking in that department.  

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@Scars UnseenNaw, as soon as you mentioned it I realized that I had forgotten the "human" element.  I have the bad habit of assuming that everyone lives by my (apparently rather rigid) personal code of ethics and it's not applicable to the vast majority of the population at large.

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9 hours ago, rlranft said:

Also, here are my latest quibbles - most of these are just opinions, mind.

  1. Yep, "double standard" should not be hyphenated
  2. I think Meiya is emphasizing her closeness to Takeru here (she's "made herself at home"), so that's likely a deliberate choice
  3. Takahashi is fairly formal—but does occasionally use more informal speech, so this one will have to be checked against the original text
  4. Campus can be used for high schools, but is most commonly used for places of higher education (and occasionally for institutions). In my Canadian high school I never heard it used to refer to the school grounds, but I can look into the regionality of the term.
  5. "discontent" is actually different from "discontented"—to be "discontent" is to be "not pleased or satisfied", whereas to be "discontented" is to be "not happy with your situation, position, etc.; not contented". They're fairly close in both meaning and spelling, but the Merriam Webster definitions and example sentences are worth a glance:
    1. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/discontent
    2. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/discontented

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! We'll be sure to make corrections.

9 hours ago, rlranft said:

Possibly the team could consider a beta period to get more eyes on the text before release so that these can be caught before the general public gets their eyes on it.

This would be nice, but only works if we have a finalized script ready for the beta (alas, we didn't this time). We'll see how our schedule is for Alternative, haha.

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1 minute ago, Connor Krammer said:

I think Meiya is emphasizing her closeness to Takeru here (she's "made herself at home"), so that's likely a deliberate choice

In which case there is only one guest - Sumika.

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1 minute ago, rlranft said:

In which case there is only one guest - Sumika.

I'll make sure that line gets checked.

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As far as discontent/discontented - the usage in place is uncommon but I'll buy it, like I said - most of those are just me nit-picking anyway... lol

Though the most iconic use of "discontent" is "The winter of our discontent" - the title of the John Steinbeck novel, and admittedly John Steinbeck was an unorthodox author....

Edited by rlranft

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@rlranft In that example, "discontent" is being used as a noun, where as in the translations's case, it is being used as an adjective.  It may be used as either with that spelling, but for a comparison of usage, try substituting the word "happy" in each.

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13 hours ago, Scars Unseen said:

@rlranft In that example, "discontent" is being used as a noun, where as in the translations's case, it is being used as an adjective.  It may be used as either with that spelling, but for a comparison of usage, try substituting the word "happy" in each.

Yes, but my point isn't so much that it's "incorrect" as it is uncommon in my experience.  "Discontent" is more often used as a noun and "discontented" is more often used when an adjective would be needed - though I would probably have to parse the Library of Congress to get actual statistical evidence.  Like I said, I'm expressing a preference rather than arguing correctness.  Your example using "happy" only works if you exclude the noun form - "try not to look so obviously happiness" - where "try not to look so obviously discontent" only works because that is both a noun and adjectival form.

[edit]

Anyway - this falls in with my "suddenly"/"all of a sudden" opinion.  All in all, probably not worth the effort to change anyway.

Edited by rlranft

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Another opinion thing - in Unlimited, referring to a weapon as a "gun."

Of course, that was "back in the day" and modern U.S. forces refer to the standard issue rifle as a "weapon."  I don't know about the Japanese Defense Forces though.

Also, it's surprising that there would be no "3 round burst" option on modern assault weapons, but again I'm only intimately familiar with the M16A1~2 in that capacity.

I do think that Marimo is pretty well written as an instructor though - reminds me of a female drill instructor from AIT at Ft. Gordon, we called her The Dragon Lady but she was actually pretty nice behind that tough exterior.

Edited by rlranft

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The only request I have is the ability to rebind keybindings. Pressing enter for long periods of time on my laptop kind of kills blood circulation in my arm due to the placement of the key. Also the last time I finished alternative I damaged the enter button on my netbook from pressing it too much. Everything else is great. :)

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7 hours ago, limith said:

Pressing enter for long periods of time on my laptop kind of kills blood circulation in my arm due to the placement of the key.

While something that âge/ixtl might want to look into, I've just used a presenter with applicable buttons whenever I don't want to use the keyboard. I can just sit back and use that. Works well whenever you want to have your hands off in other situations as well.

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Went through Extra and Alternative in two or three sittings, and had a blast.

The most major improvement for me is undoubtedly Chizuru, as she went from being my least favourite heroine to my favourite. Mostly because of the fact that every single line she says doesn't bore me to death anymore. I'm not kidding. My whole 'not to be discussed' ranking system got shook up.

Characters that also got improved to my opinion are Sumika and Mikoto.  Although I have trouble pinpointing exactly what really did this for me with Sumika, if I had to tell the team something specific I guess it would be 'childhood friend vibe'. Mikoto, especially in Unlimited where his head isn't always in the clouds, has better interactions with Takeru now. Feels like the translation there went from 'nuh uh you were a dude' to something with more subtle lines.

The character of Kei got changed immensely. Probably because of the way she got translated in the amaterasu translation, she makes more sense now. Maybe because of that, she lost a bit of that mysterious vibe that people who enjoyed the previous translation really loved. For me personally, I welcomed the change.

Tama is cute as ever, but for some reason, her first line (I'b gudda be wate~!) really put me off. I was afraid more of this dialouge would show up, thankfully it didn't. It's difficult of course to translate lines like that, since her Japanese line was in a certain manner that wouldn't translate well to English.

Takeru is still a jerk in these installments, as he should be. The most major change, of course, was dude. I had to get used to it a bit, as previously it was only 'you' and just being a bit rude. This didn't translate well to the Meiya scenes of course. I was lucky I knew the Japanese word at the time (omae) so that didn't bother me then, but I can imagine most people wouldn't. As such I welcomed the change (after getting used to it.)

Some general other things I'd like to mention: Throughout the whole script, the amount of multiple exclamation- and question marks felt a bit random. I don't know if this was the case in the Japanese script, I didn't check at the time. Also, when I entered the 10th hour of reading, I was getting a little tired. As such pressing the enter key got a little slower and I held it a little longer than usual. This caused me to skip lines a couple of times. Now, that is obviously my fault, but maybe consider changing the time it takes to start skipping text. Nothing major, just some observations.

Thanks to these changes, I actually enjoyed Extra more than Unlimited. When I caught myself thinking that, I was almost shocked since I really had to force myself to read them the previous time.

So, in conclusion, good job! Thanks for these great VNs, I'm a little sad I didn't back Alternative now, but I can't wait. Mostly because I forgot how basically no BETA show up in Unlimited.

PTg2auO.jpg

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Okay - not a correction, but a point of interest:

"Third-world" countries are not what everyone thinks they are today.  "First-world," "second-world," and "third-world" refer to a nation's alignment during the cold war era.  First-world countries were U.S. allied nations, second-world countries were Soviet-allied nations, and third-world countries were unallied with either side.  Even though most third-world countries were technologically and industrially undeveloped by U.S. or Soviet standards (and therefore not worth wooing by either side) the term isn't actually a reference to this.

This isn't a correction, or even an opinion, but a little history and origin information for the younger folks here.  Where this appears in conversation during Unlimited it is used correctly in the colloquial sense.

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To "stick your neck out" is to expose yourself to trouble or danger.  To "stick your nose in" is to pry or interfere where you are unwanted.

Spoiler

2016-07-30_12-02-23.png

"... sticking their noses into Imperial affairs" I'd say.

I think I recall another instance or two of this elsewhere - I'll try to find them.

 
 

 

Edited by rlranft

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18 hours ago, rlranft said:

To "stick your neck out" is to expose yourself to trouble or danger.  To "stick your nose in" is to pry or interfere where you are unwanted.

  Reveal hidden contents

2016-07-30_12-02-23.png

"... sticking their noses into Imperial affairs" I'd say.

I think I recall another instance or two of this elsewhere - I'll try to find them.

 
 

 

That one's probably a translation choice. I'd need to check the Japanese script for that scene, but assuming it's "首を突っ込んで," the literal Japanese translation would be to "stick your neck in,"  with the meaning of interfering/prying unnecessarily. The line works for me as it stands, though that might be because I have a decent grasp of Japanese idioms and that's how I'd personally translate it in my head. 

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To "stick one's nose into" is more idiomatic in English, so that's a good one to bring up. I'll check that line.

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19 hours ago, oobie10 said:

That one's probably a translation choice. I'd need to check the Japanese script for that scene, but assuming it's "首を突っ込んで," the literal Japanese translation would be to "stick your neck in,"  with the meaning of interfering/prying unnecessarily. The line works for me as it stands, though that might be because I have a decent grasp of Japanese idioms and that's how I'd personally translate it in my head. 

1

I think that the localization team has done a great job, really.  Translating Japanese or Korean to English is a really tough thing to do because of the dearth of grammatical and cultural "connections."  Overall, there are fairly few cases when reading the English text that have made me scratch my head.  Mainly I've found typographical errors, which occur regardless of the language, rather than awkward phrasing.  So serious kudos to the team.

Translation is a tricky thing.  Something simple like (うるさい) (Korean equivalent 시끄로) which is literally "noisy" (and the other meanings listed in the dictionary vary widely from "annoying" to "fastidious," so this one word gets a ton of use) translates to "shut up," "be quiet," "you're too loud," "put a sock in it," or "silence!" based on context and tone.  So the idea isn't to "use this word this way in the target language because it is the literal word and idiomatic expression in the source language," it is to "use the correct idiomatic expression in the target language that matches the expression in the source language."  If you told a native English speaker who doesn't speak Japanese not to "stick his neck into your business" he would probably understand, but he would also give you a funny look because that's just not used in English and the listener doesn't have the grasp of Japanese idioms to make sense of it.

Because it's all about understanding both cultures as well as both languages, translation is tough.  I'm pretty fluent in Korean but I almost never try to translate for people - there is always this "what did she say" thing and I usually have to shrug and tell them what I think they meant because telling them what they actually said would make no sense most of the time.  You can't burden the listener with the requirement of understanding the idiomatic usages of the source language - they wouldn't need a translator in the first place if they could understand it themselves.

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I've been pretty happy with the translation improvements so far, though I did encounter an error and had no idea where else to put it. I was fast-forwarding through the birthday scene in Extra to clear some more paths and got this. The game didn't crash, actually, but I did want to give you all the heads-up.

mlerror.png

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I’ve recently finished working my way through Extra’s various routes and noticed a number of potential grammar, formatting, and wording mistakes. Others have helpfully posted similar information in this thread, so I figured I'd add my findings to the conversation.

Let me just preface my comments by saying that, on the whole, I’ve found the new translation to be of excellent quality. I hope you don’t take my comments as any kind of slight against the localization team's work, my intention here is simply to help in whatever small way I can.

In this post--the first of a planned five part series--I’ll start with the issues I discovered during Meiya’s route, including screenshots from the scenes in question. They'll be listed in chronological order of appearance.

You can find my comments on the other four routes here:

Tama (Part 2): http://community.muvluv.moe/index.php?/topic/566-muv-luv-feedback/&page=14

Sumika (Part 3): http://community.muvluv.moe/index.php?/topic/566-muv-luv-feedback/&page=16

Chizuru (Part 4): http://community.muvluv.moe/index.php?/topic/566-muv-luv-feedback/&page=16

Ayamine (Part 5): http://community.muvluv.moe/index.php?/topic/566-muv-luv-feedback/&page=17

EDIT: Image links are working now, and I finally managed to sort out the strange formatting issues I had for this post.

Spoiler

Meiya’s Route (in chronological order of appearance)

Chizuru Reprimands Takeru (Day 1):

http://imgur.com/T309Cba

“Or you could just not have to be a comedian all the time. How’s that sound?”

The first sentence is a bit clunky in its current state. Simply changing a few words improves things immensely.

Possible Change:

“Or you could just try not to act like a comedian all the time. How’s that sound?”

 

Yuuko Baits Chizuru into Participating in the Lacrosse Tournament:

http://imgur.com/DizWt0w

“Sakaki’s rival, the former swim team captain, and the star of the academy’s hopes and dreams. She should be more than worthy enough to serve as your opponent, wouldn’t you say?”

Strange phrasing here. “Star of the academy’s hopes and dreams” doesn’t work no matter which way you look at it. One can be a “star athlete of the academy” but not a “star athlete of the academy’s hopes and dreams.”

Possible Change:

“Sakaki’s rival, the former swim team captain, and the star athlete upon which the academy has pinned their hopes and dreams.”

This keeps the original intention completely intact and greatly improves sentence clarity.

 

Mikoto’s Visit—Meiya’s reaction to Mikoto’s panic upon hearing that Tsukuyomi-san is bringing out some tea:

http://imgur.com/JyzBJmJ

“Are you sure? I am already going have her fetch us some tea.”

Possible Change:

“Are you sure? I already had her go fetch us some tea.”

-OR-

“Are you sure? I am already having her go fetch us some tea.”

 

Takeru tries to settle a dispute between Class Rep and Ayamine during lacrosse practice:

http://imgur.com/kPHZTgO

“Maybe you finally got fed up with all her complaining—but did you ever try to talk with her about it?”

This one is slightly nitpicky, but I think “talk to her” or “speak with her” would sound a lot more natural than "talk with her".

Possible Change: “Maybe you finally got fed up with all of her complaining—but did you ever try to talk to her about it?”

EDIT: Added 'of' in response to rlranft's astute comment.

 

After Sumika is Left Home Alone (Takeru’s house):

http://imgur.com/v3Z4d8G

“However, now that Kagami has been left on her lonesome, we cannot simply neglect her.”

Although technically correct, either of the following would work better here:

“Left by her lonesome”

“Left all by her lonesome”

 

Dinner with Meiya and Sumika at Takeru's House

http://imgur.com/5Bb4dN9

"What!? Keep this up and I’ll tell everyone how weirdly you were acting earlier, Takeru-chan. Is that what you want?"

‘Strangely’ would sound a lot more natural here. I don’t believe I’ve ever heard anyone use the term “weirdly” in everyday speech.

 

Sumika lets slip her feelings during one of her nightly chats with Takeru

http://imgur.com/V0AENSz

“Haha, that was only half-serious, and half… serious.”

While I understand what the intention was here (i.e. that it was told half in jest, half in earnest), I think this line has a few issues in its present form. As currently worded, Sumika is saying that her previous statement was both half-serious and half serious, which strikes me as redundant considering the definition of the word ‘half-serious’ is “not entirely serious.”

A much more succinct way to word this would be to say something along the lines of:

“I was only being half-serious.” OR “I was only half-joking.”

 

Sumika's Taunt (over at Takeru’s house after being left alone)

http://imgur.com/UL269l5

Original:

“Nana-nana boo-boo”

Possible Change:

“Naa-naa nee boo-boo”

This may very well be due to variations in regional dialects, but I’d never heard “nana-nana boo-boo” prior to this. In my experience I’ve only ever heard “naa-naa nee boo-boo.” Take this one with a huge grain of salt, as it appears I’m in the minority on this one (based on a quick internet search).

 

Aftermath of Meiya’s Home Cookin’ (Tsukuyomi-san speaking with Takeru)

http://imgur.com/YUyXWSz

“Making the impossible possible is a basic tenant of the Mitsurugi, so we put on a brave front in the company of others… but…”

This should read “a basic tenet” of the Mitsurugi. A tenet is a “principle or belief, especially one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy,” whereas a tenant is “a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.” (Oxford English Dictionary)

 

During the Dinner Cruise

http://imgur.com/C1PVfL9

1) “Maybe on the inside, they’re thinking… ‘I gave up my whole goddamned weekend for a couple of stupid kids?’”

Possible Change:

"Maybe on the inside they’re thinking: ‘I gave up my whole goddam weekend for a couple of stupid kids?’"

The comma and colon are debatable, but I think the use of ‘goddamned’ in the original really breaks up the flow of the sentence. I’d swap it to ‘goddam’ to remedy this.

http://imgur.com/podUFwc

2) “Well said, Mr. Waiter.”

Possible Change:

“Well said, sir.”

The original sentence strikes me as odd. While “Mr. Waiter” might not be out of place considering the use of Japanese honorifics, in English a restaurant patron would be more likely to say something along the lines of “Waiter/waitress” (if one didn’t know the name of their waiter and didn’t mind coming off as rude) or “Sir/Miss” (if one wanted to be polite). While Takeru isn’t one to stand on formality, it feels as though he’s trying to show the head waiter a modicum of respect, so I don’t think sir would be entirely out of place here.

That being said, it would make perfect sense if “Mister Waiter” was yet another one of Takeru’s odd word constructions.

http://imgur.com/podUFwc

3) “I am much obliged. Now then, would you prefer I brought out some tea to drink?” (immediately after the previous line)

This sentence is oddly phrased. “[W]ould you prefer I brought out” feels strangely incomplete.

Possible Changes:

“If you would prefer, I could bring out some tea for you to drink.”

“Now then, would you prefer that I bring out some tea for you to drink?”

“Now then, would you prefer it if I brought out some tea for you to drink?”

If you wished, you could conclude it even more simply: “If you would prefer, I could bring out some tea.” (since one can infer that Takeru and Sumika will drink the tea once it is brought to their table).

 

Hot Springs: Drunken Revels

1) Boozy Bathhouse

http://imgur.com/fhuFzQc

“Maybe it’s all Yuuko-sensei’s fault. She should’ve never have ordered alcohol in the first place.”

“She should [have] never have” is redundant. Switching it to “She should never have” would fix the problem.

2) Tsukuyomi tries to talk Meiya down

http://imgur.com/CG8L3yk

“If your master, Guren Daizaburou-sensei, were here to see this, I am sure he would grieve.”

I’m not sure the term “grieve” is entirely appropriate here. Although grief is defined as “deep sorrow” by Oxford English Dictionary, it typically refers to deep sorrow “caused by someone’s death.”

If anything, it’s more akin to mourning than a general sense of sadness or disappointment—either of which would probably be more appropriate here.

Possible changes to end of sentence:

“I am sure he would be extremely saddened by your behavior.”

“I am sure he would be extremely disappointed in you.”

3) The Morning After (Part 1)

http://imgur.com/55NGFQZ

“If someone saw you sleeping like that, they’d wonder if you really were a girl.”

The end of this sentence is inverted, it should read:

“[T]hey’d wonder if you were really a girl.”

-OR-

“[T]hey’d wonder if you were actually a girl.”

That being said, it still feels like something’s being lost in translation here. In this passage, notions of propriety seem to be intrinsically linked with notions of “acceptable” female identity in a way that seems unusual to an English reader. While a rough cross-cultural analogue certainly exists (i.e. the normalization of an unrealistic feminine ideal in the media), one would be hard-pressed to imagine a situation in which an individual’s gender was brought into question based solely on their appearance (whether she was unkempt or composed, as in this example). I suppose someone who fits that description might be seen as slightly tomboyish, perhaps?

Possible Change:

“If someone saw you sleeping like that, they’d realize how much of a tomboy you are.”

4) The Morning After (Part 2)

http://imgur.com/Fj0qYIN

“That antenna of hers is sticking up as usual… Is that thing just a neverending bedhead?”

‘Never-ending’ should be hyphenated. I would also add another word in there, as “never-ending bedhead” feels incomplete. After all, there’s no such thing as ‘a bedhead’ only ‘a [bad] case of bedhead’:

“Is that thing just a never-ending case of bedhead?”

 

Hot Springs Rec Room: Crane Game Instructions

http://imgur.com/olfcVJb

“Listen. You can move it left or right with this button, and this one tells it how far back to go. Give it a try.”

Perhaps this is simply my lack of familiarity with crane games, but these controls make little sense; in my limited experience, crane game controls usually consist of a plastic joystick with a single button on top to lower the crane arm. In this particular scenario, how does one move the crane left or right with a single button? Why does the other button only move the crane arm backwards (and not forwards)?

 

Takeru Contemplates The Impact of Meiya's Arrival on his Relationship to Sumika

http://imgur.com/xzCXXJs

“That was the same night that she said that stuff about how Meiya came, everything changed, and us not staying the same…”

The wording at the end of this sentence is a little clunky grammatically. Taken as a separate unit, "he said that stuff about how Meiya came [and] everything changed" would make sense, but by adding on "and us not staying the same" it makes the whole thing feel off-kilter. One gets the distinct impression that it would work better as two separate sentences.

Possible change:

“That was the same night that she said all that stuff about Meiya’s arrival. How everything changed, and we couldn’t stay the same…”

 

Yuuko Bath Scene

http://imgur.com/slUAiSM

 “‘Time can either be the cruelest or the most forgiving thing there is’… Get it?”

This one’s pretty nitpicky, but in order for the punctuation to be correct, the apostrophe should go on the other side of the ellipsis.

Possible Change (1):

“‘Time can either be the cruelest or the most forgiving thing there is…’ Get it?”

Changing up the punctuation slightly might also help, considering the ellipsis really isn't part of the quote itself (see below).

Possible Change (2):

"'Time can either be the cruelest or the most forgiving thing there is.' ...Get it?"

I noticed that many sentence are structured like this throughout the VN (preceding the beginning of a sentence) in order to convey a pregnant pause before someone speaks. It would be appropriate here as well, given the context.

 

Formatting Error in Takeru's Before Last "Meiya" Dream

English: http://imgur.com/ehbw6Rf

Japanese: http://imgur.com/X0IabOB

During the before last dream sequence, “Sumika’s” dialogue is labeled as Meiya’s, prematurely revealing the twist (and spoiling it for anybody who hasn’t already managed to piece it together).

For whatever reason, this error only appears in the English script, switching over to the Japanese script “correctly” displays it as Sumika’s dialogue.

 

Cave Scene (talking about bioluminescent algae in grotto)

http://imgur.com/aYq83pv

“It may seem miraculous to us humans, but I suppose the organisms themselves have merely been repeating that which comes naturally to them…”

The word ‘repeating’ feels out of place here. To elaborate, it’s not the repetition of these organisms’ instinctual behaviors that have ensured the propagation of their species, it is the behaviors in and of themselves (regardless of their repetition). I may be splitting hairs here, but I still think it’s an important distinction to make in this case.

“[T]he organisms themselves” also seems redundant when simply “the organisms” would suffice.

Possible change:

“It may seem miraculous to us humans, but I suppose the organisms have merely been doing that which comes naturally to them…”

 

Hot Springs (In the hallway at the onsen, after the cave trip)

http://imgur.com/7URFO10

“Why’d you bust up laughing like that?”

I’d go with the more colloquial ‘burst out laughing.’

“Why’d you burst out laughing like that?”

 

Lead-Up to Meiya’s Ending (Takeru’s House)

http://imgur.com/tMxBqzO

“Meiya’s had an influence on us in more ways than I can count. She’s changed everything from maps… to people’s feelings. Just as one would expect from a Mitsurugi…”

This one is really nitpicky on my part, but I think the second sentence would work better if it was tweaked slightly, namely by placing the Meiya’s personal impact (i.e. on people’s feelings) before the large-scale changes she brought about (i.e. the maps). Further, I’d specify it ever so slightly from “maps” to “local maps,” since the former gives the impression of sweeping changes on a national level.

Possible Change (1):

“She’s changed everything from people’s feelings to local maps.”

Possible Change (2):

“She’s changed everything from local maps… to people’s feelings.”

 

Confrontation with Sumika (Conversation Through their Bedroom Windows)

http://imgur.com/nyaKvxH

“What are you to me, Takeru-chan!? What do you want from me!? Why are you being so cruel!?”

Shouldn’t the beginning of this read sentence read “What am I to you, Takeru-chan”?

 

Meiya Ending (After Crashing the Wedding)

http://imgur.com/B7CZaZp

“Takeru: I’ve made you wait a long time for this… I’m so sorry.”

“Meiya: Yes, you certainly have… Now… recompensate me.”

The term ‘recompensate’ and its particular usage here sticks out like a sore thumb for a few reasons. It’s archaic even by Meiya’s standards, doesn’t read well, and is arguably used incorrectly. One would not typically say “compensate me” on its own, they would say “compensate me for [what needs to be recompensated].”

As such, “make amends for it” or “make it up to me” would probably work better than “recompensate me” in this particular case. Although “make it up to me” admittedly sounds slightly less formal, it wouldn’t be out of character, given the context.

 

Edited by MarcoSnow
Modified correction to reflect content of rlfanft's comment.

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Re: the crane game

While some have the joystick that you use to control the crane, there are also some with two buttons instead. In that case, the crane will start over the drop chute at the corner. Holding down the first button moves the crane left or right, depending on which side the chute is located. It only moves in one direction, so you don't get a chance to correct if you go too far. Once you let go of that button, holding down the other button moves the crane backwards/away from the player. That also only goes one direction. Once you let go of that button, the crane drops. The motion of the crane could also be automatic, where pushing the first button stops the sideways motion and starts the backwards motion, while the second button drops the crane. 

As far as the line goes, it does seem like one button somehow controls for two directions, when it can really only go in one direction in this kind of setup. 

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16 minutes ago, MarcoSnow said:

“Maybe you finally got fed up with all her complaining—but did you ever try to talk with her about it?”

I personally think that the bigger issue here is "fed up with all her complaining."  "Fed up with all of her complaining" is grammatically correct, though many, many people actually talk like the original text.

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I went through Chizuru's route and noticed some more (very minor) typos in the script:

http://i.imgur.com/5RKyP2j.jpg - There's a typo here with "thinks." This is, I believe, if you choose to go home with Tama after lacrosse practice without doing her earlier archery scenes.

http://i.imgur.com/G75VwYw.jpg - This particular quoting dash (horizontal line, whatever you'd like to call it) is shorter than the rest. It doesn't correspond with a different character speaking, so it seems like a typo. It's the scene where Takeru is eavesdropping on the gossiping girls at the start of Chizuru's route.

http://i.imgur.com/qBIvZ8C.jpg - The ellipsis has spaces on both sides, which is inconsistent with the script's formatting. This is the scene where Takeru meets with Akane in his hosptial.

http://i.imgur.com/TFYj91t.jpg - There isn't a space after the ellipsis here. I might be wrong, but this seems like a typo. The formatting elsewhere in the English translation has been to put a space after an ellipsis except when they're used to set apart *sound effects*. This is at the very end of Chizuru's route.

 

Partway through Kei's route, there are two inconsistencies I found.

http://i.imgur.com/7r4bpIU.jpg - This is taken from the date with Kei. The script makes it clear that Kei is piloting a Kaiser, not a Xao-myun. I think this text was originally in English, so it probably wasn't the localization team's mistake, but it's an inconsistency nonetheless. I think this is the only Valgernon scene where Takeru isn't fighting a Xao-myun.

And the second one deals with the inconsistent translation of Kei's phrase, 「組織のいぬ」. During her route, it's translated as "slave of the system" (English: http://i.imgur.com/cpzQEnH.jpg Japanese: http://i.imgur.com/4htodqt.jpg), while when Takeru remarks on it at the ending of Chizuru's route, it's translated more literally as "dog of the system" (http://i.imgur.com/qEYiIxq.jpg). Since Takeru is specifically commenting on Kei's phrase in the latter scene, the lines ought to be translated the same way.

Edited by robotization

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