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A Very Muv-Luv Fan Fiction

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This is totally not satire or anything. Please don't criticize, I'm very sensitive.


I call this one ALTERNATIVE VI


We begin our story in the second world, after Alternative V has been activated and the last space ship has left the Earth. Yuuko is desperately continuing Alternative IV before the entire planet is really fucked.


"I've finally done it!" shouted Yuuko-sensei, because I have no better ideas of how to start this fan fiction. "I've completed the 00 Unit! Marimo-chan, what do you think?"


Marimo-chan, who is the best girl and totally not the reason I picked the Unlimited setting over Alternative, looked confused. "But...isn't this just some guy? How is this supposed to save us?! もう"


"What are you talking about Marimo-chan? This is far more than a mere man. This 00 Unit will single-handedly take out the Kashgar Hive without the need to waste valuable Eishi or G-bomb all of Eurasia to smithereens."


"If you say so..." Marimo-chan was clearly skeptical.


"Also, it's a girl, not a dude."




We cut to an enormous amount of TSFs fighting their way to the Kashgar Hive, with one carrying the 00 Unit, the final hope for all of humanity. TSFs are shot down like flies, but they press on.


"This is it!" screamed the commanding officer of the operation. "I hope Yuuko is right and this guy really can defeat the BETA queen!"


The 00 Unit was unceremoniously dropped into the middle of a group of BETA. The group made a sort of octagonal shape and simply watched as the 00 unit rose.


"Ladies and gentlemen, we are LIVE! This is the main event of the evening! This is the moment all of humanity and the BETA have all been waiting for. It's TIME!" Bruce Buffer proceeded to introduce the fighters. "Introducing first, FIGHTING out of the humanity corner, this woman is a mixed martial artist holding a professional record of fifteen wins, one loss, one no contest. Standing at five feet, eight inches tall, weighing in at 139 and one half pounds. Fighting out of Yokohama Base, Japan by way of Curitiba, Paraná, Brazil, presenting the reigning, defending, champion of humanityyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! CRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS 'CYBORG' JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" The BETA booed and hissed at humanity's last hope, who was probably on steroids.


The camera then panned to the BETA's champion. A queen formed to the fleshy shape of a human. Not just any human though, but none other than the baddest woman on the planet.


"Introducing second, FIGHTING out of the BETA corner, this woman is a judo fighter holding a profession record of twelve wins, one loss. Standing at five feet, seven inches tall, weighing in at 136 pounds. Fighting out of Kashgar Hive by way of Riverside, California, presenting the reigning, defending, queen of the BETAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! 'ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY' RONDA ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!"


The referee for this fight would be Herb Dean, a man who clearly does not know when to stop fights. It might as well be a fight to the death, as anyone who watched Rockhold vs Weidman will tell you. The referee explained the rules while Mike Goldberg shamelessly shilled Corn Nuts and Fram, totally ruining the excitement and that indescribable Big Fight feel.


"And here we go," said Mike Goldberg as the fight started. "This fight is brought to you by Corn Nuts, the only snack with the nuts to step into the Octagon." Everbody watching at home on live pay-per-view collectively sighed and/or facepalmed at this line.


Round the first was very much a feeling out process. Ronda learned well from her loss to Holly Holm, and did not go in overly aggressive. The cyborg was equally careful of Ronda. An elite level judo fighter that regularly rolls with Gracies is not to be underestimated. If the fight were to go to the ground, the 00 Unit would be in trouble and would probably have to be saved by the bell. The each threw soft jabs to gauge distance more than to set up for combinations; however, the Cyborg was the one pushing forward and controlling the center as Ronda was wary of that striking power. Getting kind of sick of this shit, Cyborg proceeded to strike her way into a clinch, but Ronda deftly circled out and sidestepped away.


"Great footwork by the Rowdy one. It reminds me of a young Babalu, Joe," said Mike Goldberg, who still doesn't understand fighting after all these years.


"No it doesn't, Mike," replied Joe Rogan.


The round continued and finished without much action. Ronda went for a couple of feint takedowns, while Cyborg threw a few checked leg kicks. Both fighters were clearly saving their best for the final rounds. Judging from aggressiveness, however, Cyborg had clearly won the round by controlling the center and being more aggressive in her striking.


The second round would prove to be a similar feeling-out process. Both women were in it for five rounds, and neither one wanted to get Shane Carwin'd. I don't care if you got a 10-8 against Brock Lesnar, you STILL got tapped out two minutes into the second of a five round fight. Get some goddamn cardio. I'm talking to you too, Anthony Johnson. This time, however, Ronda was able to be the more aggressive of the two. After two feinted takedowns, she successfully clinched Cyborg against the cage and embraced the grind. Neither one was able to get any strong shots off until the clinch was broken when Ronda failed a koshi guruma. Still, the round could only be scored for the baddest woman alive.


We finally entered the third of five rounds. This is where both women would use all the information gathered in the first two rounds and start looking for the finish. Cyborg moved in fast to try and get off a combination on Ronda. Ronda shot in for the single-leg, and this time, it was no feint. Humanity's final hope got taken down by the expert judoka and it seemed like the armbar submission would be inevitable this early on. But fret not dear readers! Cyborg wasn't just spending the last four years trying to lose ten pounds. She was also training heavily for armbar defense. As Ronda began to push Cyborg away with her legs, the 00 Unit rolled into Ronda, hooked her own arm, and started to pull up and out of the armbar. It was a very tense minute, but the Cyborg succeeded and was back standing.


Ronda stayed on her back and, for a moment, Cyborg considered playing into Ronda's guard to see if she could take mount. Instead, Cyborg backed off and allowed Herb Dean to bring the fight back into the stand-up game. The Cyborg tried her best to make up for the near-defeat experienced moments ago. No more jabs, no more combinations, Cyborg was looking for that one punch knockout at the risk of tiring herself out. Fortunately, one of these strikes landed and stunned the former bantamweight champion; however, the machine wasn't able to finish the fight. Ronda clinched and held out until the end of the round. She ate some nasty shots for her efforts though, a round that could go to either fighter.


Both women were determined beyond words to win now. We were in the championship rounds. All bets were off, considering how close that third round was. The fourth round started with Ronda Rousey unexpectedly rushing in for the clinch. This time, she DID get the koshi guruma. From side control, Ronda landed shot after shot on Cyborg. Luckily, Ronda was no Cyborg. The strikes hurt, but they weren't anything that could end her. If their positions were reversed, the fight would be all but over. Cyborg covered her face and let Ronda unload so that she might tire herself out. Ronda knew it would be risky to continue striking with a referee that doesn't stop fights until well after death has been achieved, and so she started moving around for a full mount. Just as she achieved the position, Cyborg used her hips to throw Ronda off balance and pull off a sweep. Cyborg pulled out of Ronda's guard and stood back up.


The strikes didn't end Cyborg's night, but she was clearly wobbled and would have to fight on autopilot until all systems properly restarted. Ronda sought to take advantage of this, again, going in overly aggressive, again with the clinch. Ronda was too tired to pull off another takedown just yet, though, and the round ended like that - one fighter desperately holding on for dear life, trying not to be taken down; the other, equally desperately trying to take her down with all her energy. Mike Goldberg had already falsely called for the fight's finish about eight times now. The round ended right when Cyborg finally collapsed. But it wasn't exhaustion that made her collapse. All her systems were finally back online. She had taken Ronda's best strikes, and now she was ready for more.


The fifth round would be critical. The fourth could have easily been a 10-8 for Ronda, meaning the fight could end in a draw even if Cyborg won the round. Cyborg would have to leave everything she had in the Octagon, and Ronda would have to respond accordingly just to survive. This time, humanity's hero was the one aggressively moving into striking range. The Rowdy one repeated her strategy of circling to the outside to avoid strikes using minimal energy. She had nearly spent herself dry in the fourth, and so would have to play the waiting game and hope the fight ended up on the ground again. Three minutes into the round, Cyborg finally caught Rousey. Ronda had been circling to the left every single time. The Cyborg used this data to feint a power punch, only for Ronda to run her face straight into another one that wasn't a feint. Ronda's knees buckled, and time seemed to stop. Time resumed when Ronda, out of desperation, threw a right at the exact same moment that Cyborg threw a left. Both women threw hook after hook after cross after hook at each other. Nobody knows how both of them stayed standing through the exchange, but it finally ended when Cyborg threw a series of uppercuts that forced Ronda to be completely defensive and cover up her face. Ronda rocked left and right in time with each heavy strike from the machine, but she did not fall. The horn finally called for the end of the round, and by extension fight. Then, and only then, did Ronda fall face-first into a heap on the mat. This was clearly a 10-8 round and an utter destruction of the BETA's champion. But the fight was in the judges' hands now.


"Ladies and gentlemen, after five rounds, we go to the judges' scorecards for a decision." Bruce Buffer was shaking in anticipation of his own announcement. The fate of the very world rested on the next words that would flow from his mouth. "Our first judge scores the fight 49 - 45 Rousey." Cheers from the BETA could be heard from the entire continent. "Our second judge scores the fight 47 - 46 Cyborg." Boos and hisses could be heard this time. "And our third judge scores the fight 48 - 47 with the winner by split decision..." Bruce Buffer's pause felt like an eternity. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL EARTH'S UNDISPUTED DOMINANT SPECIES, THE HUMAN RACE'S CRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS 'CYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORG' JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Even Ronda offered an unexpected clap of respect at humanity's victory before bowing out of the cage and preparing to leave the planet with the rest of the BETA.


Joe Rogan entered the cage to interview our hero. "Cris, that was a long fight, it was a hard fight, how ya holding up?"


"My systems are all functioning optimally. I could have gone for another five rounds. Termination was inevitable," responded the 00 Unit.


"Well, she almost had you in that fourth round, walk us through that, what were you thinking while Ronda was going to town on you in that clinch?"


"I was not thinking. My systems suffered a minor glitch and I had to reboot. My system was operating sub-optimally up to that point. The BETA never stood a chance."


"Well, is there anything you'd like to say to all your fans out there? You certainly made a few, even out of the BETA, with that performance."


"Yes. Be sure to check out my UFC debut tonight on UFC 198. Prelims start at 6:15 PM Eastern. Featuring Jacare Souza vs Vitor Belfort, Shogun Rua vs Corey Anderson, and Stipe Miocic vs Fabricio Werdum for the heavyweight championship. ONLY on pay-per-view."


And then I won more awards and money for writing this fan fiction than that one who got famous for writing Twilight fan fiction.



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