Connor Krammer

Muv-Luv Feedback

490 posts in this topic

So they gotta fix the engine to fix this......hence no official word given it prolly also affects the upcoming alternative too

 

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14 hours ago, nerv_04 said:

Regarding the full screen issue that pop'ed up after Windows 10's upgrade, it seems to be related to the Age's game engine, I have Schwarzesmarken and Muv Luv Alternative installed and now both have the same full screen issue... :\

So...yet another reason to stick with Windows 7 forever? I wonder if muv luv would work in linux....hmm....steam doesn't offer the ability to download it though. Eventually there'll be a day when I won't be able to find win7 drivers for my laptops. Had a hard enough time finding one for my current one (installed another manufacturers for the same chip which didn't set a registry entry in the right location and had to manually create the entry, also had to reverse compile the installer to remove the win 8 version check).

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7 hours ago, limith said:

I wonder if muv luv would work in linux....

Only if you use a VM like Oracle Virtual Box with Win 7 or XP, it works perfectly for older or more static visual novels, but for VNs with lots of animations like MuvLuv it's not as smooth as playing on windows but acceptable if you have no other choice. (at least with an Intel i7 cpu)

Edited by nerv_04

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Here are the wording, grammar, and formatting issues I noticed during Sumika's Route (with one exception). This is part 3 of 5 in my ongoing "nitpicky criticism" series for Extra.

True to its name, some of these are really nitpicky (more observations than outright corrections), but a few are particularly noteworthy (Takeru's French during "Marimo's lunch" scene, among others).

Once again, they'll be listed in chronological order of appearance. A few of these aren't strictly linked to Sumika's route, although they are accessible if you know which options to choose (e.g. first visit to the archery club after ditching cleaning duty). Only one of the scenes discussed is an outright deviation from Sumika's route (Marimo's lunch).

I apologize in advance if there's any overlap between these corrections and others that may have been posted.

Let me know if you spot any issues (broken links, typos, dubious suggestions, etc.) and I'll try to fix them as best I can.

You can find my comments on the other four routes here:

Meiya (Part 1): http://community.muvluv.moe/index.php?/topic/566-muv-luv-feedback/&page=13

Tama (Part 2): http://community.muvluv.moe/index.php?/topic/566-muv-luv-feedback/&page=14

Chizuru (Part 4): further down this page of the thread

Ayamine (Part 5): http://community.muvluv.moe/index.php?/topic/566-muv-luv-feedback/&page=17

Spoiler

Sumika’s Route (in chronological order)

 

Lunch-time in the Classroom (Sumika’s Lunch, Day ???)

http://imgur.com/A8GEXJz

“What the hell, man… Don’t act like it’s such a huge deal…” (Takeru’s internal monologue)

Don’t know if you’d count this as an inconsistency, but this is one of the few times that Takeru uses the term ‘man’ instead of ‘dude.’ Not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but I felt it was worth mentioning in passing.

 

Archery Range (First Visit, Immediately After Ditching Cleaning Duty)

1) Hold it right there, Tex… Drop yer bow…

http://imgur.com/oD85l1T

“…Howdy there…”

This line strikes me as unusual coming from Takeru (even if you consider the various “Americanisms” he uses throughout the VN), making him sound like a cowboy or a folksy Southern grandpa. Why not go with the much simpler “…Hey there…” or “Hey, anyone there?” to avoid the abrupt shift to a Southern U.S. dialect?

2) Description of Archery Club

http://imgur.com/VMAXBbD

“The center of attraction is the wide open veranda, where the club members practice. The target field is properly maintained with its grass neatly mown.”

This one’s nitpicky, but there are a few things that are slightly “off” in terms of phrasing and word choice here. As it stands it suffers from a terse, repetitive voice (“The… The...”). While technically correct, altering certain parts of the sentence would greatly improve readability.

A Brief Note on Possible Changes:

Central Attraction vs. Central Attraction: Oxford’s US Dictionary defines ‘center of attraction’ as either “[t]he point to which bodies tend by gravity” or “another term for center of attention.”

To expand on this, the phrase ‘center of attraction’ typically refers to a person, action, or event drawing the attention of nearby individuals, whereas ‘central attraction’ refers to a key feature in a particular location (which seems to be the intention here).

Well-Maintained vs. Properly Maintained: I’m not sure ‘properly maintained’ quite works when talking about a lawn or a patch of grass. Perhaps this stems from a regional dialect, but I’m much more accustomed to hearing ‘well-maintained’ in relation to a lawn. While there certainly is a proper way to maintain a lawn, one doesn’t typically comment on “how” one maintains it (properly/improperly—emphasis on method used) so much as “how well” (well-maintained/poorly maintained—emphasis on quality of end result). I realize that I’m splitting hairs here, but I figured that I might as well make my case.

Mow the Lawn/Cut the Grass vs. Mow the Grass: I’d also argue that ‘mow the lawn’ is more appropriate here than ‘mow the grass’ (the former is more colloquial); ‘cut the grass’ would be equally appropriate, however.

Redundant Phrasing in Second Sentence: The second sentence is also somewhat redundant in its current form. If the target field is well-maintained, it’s probably safe to assume that it’s been mowed recently. I only had limited success dealing with this one (see fourth suggestion).

Possible Changes:

The wide open veranda is clearly the central attraction, providing plenty of space for club members to practice. From here, the target field appears well-maintained, its lawn neatly mowed.

The wide open veranda is clearly the main attraction, providing plenty of space for club members to practice. From here, the target field’s lawn appears well-maintained, its neatly cut grass forming visible rows.

At the center of it all lies the wide open veranda, where club members can currently be seen practicing. The nearby target field appears well-maintained, its lawn neatly mowed.

The wide open veranda where club members are practicing is clearly the main attraction. From here, the lawn of the adjacent target field appears well-maintained.

3) Arrow-Ridden vs. Riddled with Arrows (a few lines below previous quote)

http://imgur.com/VMAXBbD

“Way over at the far end stand some arrow-ridden targets.”

This one is really nitpicky on my part, but ‘arrow-ridden targets’ comes across as very old-fashioned (i.e. reminiscent of language used in Old English literature). “Riddled with arrows” seems more appropriate here.

Possible Changes:

Way over at the far end stand a few targets, riddled with arrows.

At the far end stand a few targets, riddled with arrows.

“Way over at the far end, a number of targets are plainly visible, absolutely riddled with arrows.”

“A number of targets are visible way over at the far end, absolutely riddled with arrows.”

 

Space Cadet

http://imgur.com/EHnzYCb

Recurring translation: “Space Pilot Captain Gorban”

This may be one of those instances where something is lost in translation, but shouldn’t this read as either “Space Pilot Gorban” or “Space Captain Gorban”? “Space Pilot Captain Gorban” always struck me as incredibly redundant. I assume this is meant to be a riff off of characters from old Japanese superhero TV serials (known for having similar goofy, flamboyant names)?

 

Strange Remark at Amusement Park (Sumika’s Date)

http://imgur.com/Id2uWTQ

Is your brain broken? We’ve been here a while now. We even rode that what’s-it’s name coaster thirty times.” (Takeru)

The first sentence really doesn’t work. Putting aside its incredibly mean-spirited tone, it still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense in English. The closest English equivalent would probably be something along the lines of:

Do you have a screw loose? We’ve been here a while now. We even rode that what’s-it’s name coaster thirty times.”

The other problem is that this entire line doesn’t read as sarcastic, which leads the reader to question Sumika’s credibility when Takeru is the one who’s actually at fault (i.e. lying to avoid riding the roller-coaster out of cowardice). As a result, what could be a humorous exchange falls flat (due to the sentence’s wording and tone).

 

Sumika: Waxing Nostalgic

http://imgur.com/oT8uHLh

“That’s true. We always have been together…”

This should probably read:

“That’s true. We’ve always been together…”

OR

“That’s true. We have always been together…”

The only way this sentence works without ‘have’ preceding ‘always’ would be if you shifted the stress to the word ‘have’:

“We always HAVE been together…” (Sumika, insisting that she’s always been together with Takeru)

Even then, however, inflection still isn’t quite right. Its current form and the capitalized version I suggested only work in response to a comment by Takeru that suggests they haven’t always been together (which isn’t the case, here).

e.g. “But we always HAVE been together!”

I’d recommend going with: “That’s true. We’ve always been together…”

 

How to Compliment Your Teacher’s Lunch in French (Marimo's Lunch, Science Room)

http://imgur.com/O0jqgcP

“Mmm… Très bien!”

Similar to my corrections concerning Takeru’s use of Old English, Takeru’s use of French here is incorrect. You could chock it up to Takeru’s inexperience with the French language, but I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt here (god knows why). As a bilingual English-French speaker, this mistake really stood out to me.

In French, the phrase ‘très bien’ roughly translates to ‘very well’ as opposed to ‘very good.’

Using ‘Bien’ in French

French: Comment ça va? / Ça va bien, toi?”

English: How are you? / I’m doing well, how about you?

French: “Bien dit!”

English: “Well said!”

Possible Corrections:

“C’est très bon!” (It’s very good)

“C’est super bon!” (It’s really good!)

NOTE: ‘super bon’ is better than ‘très bon’ (literal translation: super good)

“C’est délicieux!” (It’s delicious!)

“C’est absolument délicieux!” (It’s absolutely delicious!)

Given how ecstatic Takeru is about Marimo’s lunch and his French language skills (or lack thereof), I’d go with “c’est delicieux!” or “c’est très bon!” Both are short and recognizable by many non-French speakers.  A more fluent French speaker would probably go with “c’est super bon!” or “c’est absolument délicieux!”

If you wanted to dumb things down even more for Takeru, you could pare it down further to “Mmm… Délicieux!” or “Mmm… Très bon!”

 

Edited by MarcoSnow

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@MarcoSnow: Since I'm not fluent enough in English, I won't say anything about your corrections. However, regarding French, I can help with that short line of Takeru's.

Your recommended sentences are all right and could be said naturally by a French man. I have yet to play the game to say which one is more fitting than the other, but they're good.

The only exception is “Ça goûte super bon!” (It tastes really good!) which is a literal translation and doesn't sound natural at all in its French version. No one wil say that something "goûte bon".

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13 hours ago, cabfe said:

@MarcoSnow: Since I'm not fluent enough in English, I won't say anything about your corrections. However, regarding French, I can help with that short line of Takeru's.

Your recommended sentences are all right and could be said naturally by a French man. I have yet to play the game to say which one is more fitting than the other, but they're good.

The only exception is “Ça goûte super bon!” (It tastes really good!) which is a literal translation and doesn't sound natural at all in its French version. No one wil say that something "goûte bon".

You make an excellent point, "ça goûte" usually precedes what something tastes like as opposed to whether it tastes good or bad.

e.g. "Ça goûte le poulet." (It tastes like chicken)

That said, in my experience (growing up in French Canada) it can also be used to denote whether something tastes good or bad.

"Ça goûte bon." (It tastes good)

"Ça goûte pas bon." (It tastes bad)

Upon further examination, however, I can see how " ça goûte super bon" might sound a little strange to the trained ear. I've changed my suggestions to reflect this.

Edited by MarcoSnow

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@MarcoSnow:

Maybe this use of "goûte" is a Canadian one. I don't know. I was talking about French from France and expressions are sometimes different between those two countries.

As far as I know, "Ca goûte bon" doesn't exist in France's French. We would understand, but it sounds unnatural. We'd just say "C'est bon." or "C'est pas bon."

Goûter is more used in the meaning "goûter un plat" (taste a dish). It refers to the action of tasting, rather than expressing the way something tastes.

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"Ça goûte le poulet.",  "Ça goûte bon.", etc. are pure canadian french (or quebec french) phrases, in France noone talks like that, it's a grammatical error.

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I had a feeling it might have been related to a difference between traditional French and French Canadian dialects. Thanks for weighing in on this, guys.

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Anyway, Takeru simply says

Spoiler

He doesn't speak French at all, he just says "delicious" in English.

 

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Good catch, I hadn't seen the Japanese script for the scene in question. Including a French expression in the English localization was a good call, in spite of the wording error (mentioned in my corrections above).

Edited by MarcoSnow

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I don't think it's a good translation to be honest.
 

Spoiler

In the original japanese version, imo Takeru uses this word  デリシャス not because he wants to talk English, he just uses it as a word borrowed from English, like many words in Japanese (you can even find it in online japanese dictionnaries like http://jisho.org/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&keyword=+%E3%83%87%E3%83%AA%E3%82%B7%E3%83%A3%E3%82%B9 ).
Well only the original writer of the VN knows the answer I guess.

 

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55 minutes ago, ProfesseurM said:

I don't think it's a good translation to be honest.
 

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In the original japanese version, imo Takeru uses this word  デリシャス not because he wants to talk English, he just uses it as a word borrowed from English, like many words in Japanese (you can even find it in online japanese dictionnaries like http://jisho.org/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&keyword=+%E3%83%87%E3%83%AA%E3%82%B7%E3%83%A3%E3%82%B9 ).
Well only the original writer of the VN knows the answer I guess.

 

Sure, a Japanese person would understand what Takeru's saying, but it doesn't mean that he isn't trying to speak English. Loanwords are typically those that are used because Japanese doesn't really have its own equivalent, like hamburger (ハンバーガー) or lacrosse (ラクロス). The way he's using delicious (デリシャス) here is gratuitous and unneccesary, like if someone decided to sprinkle "kawaii" or other Japanese words into their otherwise non-Japanese speech/writing. 

 

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@ProfesseurM

Using french for that line is fine. Takeru using デリシャス over something in Japanese like美味いjust to put an emphasis on the quality of her lunch. English isn't regularly used in Japanese unless its a loanword or to make something sound cool/exotic. French food is pretty synonymous with high end cooking so using french to compliment her food is to highlight its quality as top class. This isnt the best example but It's like an American using Italian to complement a good pasta dish in an American restaurant . 

Spoiler

51qcY99IjvL.jpg

World class chef, Jinguuji Marimo.

 

Edited by Jawer
added a pic for fun

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If she cooked French food, maybe... (and anyway it would have been in the japanese version) but she cooked something super japanese, tamagoyaki.

Takeru just wants to sound cool, there's no point in making him speaking French. Do I have to remind that he's a japanese teenager in Japan ? If he could talk French, it would be in the original version.

Edited by ProfesseurM

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The point is he's using another language to emphasize his remark; his use of English here is unnatural in most contexts. Obviously, when translating a mostly Japanese script to English, keeping an English word in English would remove that emphasis, so they used another language. It's like how English dubs tend to turn Kansai-ben to a southern or Texan accent; there's meaning to an accent that a strict translation doesn't provide, and the most reasonable thing to do is to use some other language. Just as English is the most common secondary language in Japan, French is probably the most common secondary language for English speakers. 

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3 hours ago, ProfesseurM said:

If she cooked French food, maybe... (and anyway it would have been in the japanese version) but she cooked something super japanese, tamagoyaki.

French isn’t restricted to describing French food. Going by that standard, Takeru should keep on using “umai” over “Delicious” since he’s being fed a super Japanese dish. Japan use English to make things sound fancy the same way some people might use French to do the same.

3 hours ago, ProfesseurM said:

Takeru just wants to sound cool, there's no point in making him speaking French. Do I have to remind that he's a japanese teenager in Japan ? If he could talk French, it would be in the original version.

If Takeru was restricted to what a japanese teenager in japan would know, he wouldn't be speaking  english so fluently. Since you care about what’s on the japanese script, you might find this interesting. When he’s complimenting her food, Takeru goes from a variation of “umai” to “delicious”  which, in my view, push his compliments to a new level. Going from English to French helped preserve this in the English localization. 

Having said that, i'm not diehard fan of the phrase because lazy summer me had to look up what "Très bien" meant while i was playing.  I like how it's used but..ugh..i guess the heat made me easily annoyed and not want to do any unnecessary work.  rantrantrant

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So any word yet on when and if the full screen bug will be fixed?

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Here are the wording, grammar, and formatting issues I noticed during Chizuru's Route. This is part 4 of 5 in my ongoing "nitpicky criticism" series for Extra.

Just like the others, they'll be listed in chronological order of appearance.

Apologies for the overlap between these corrections and other corrections further up the thread (this entry has around three).

Let me know if you spot any issues (broken links, typos, dubious suggestions, etc.) and I'll try to fix them as best I can.

You can find my comments on the other four routes here:

Meiya (Part 1): http://community.muvluv.moe/index.php?/topic/566-muv-luv-feedback/&page=13

Tama (Part 2): http://community.muvluv.moe/index.php?/topic/566-muv-luv-feedback/&page=14

Sumika (Part 3): further up this page of the thread

Ayamine (Part 5): http://community.muvluv.moe/index.php?/topic/566-muv-luv-feedback/&page=17

EDIT: I finally managed to work out the unusual text formatting issues (this forum desperately needs a "preview" feature for new posts).

@Rashala Are you referring to the Windows 10 bug or the fullscreen resizing issue (which crops up regardless of one's OS)?

Spoiler

Chizuru’s Route (In Chronological Order)

 

Chizuru Visits Takeru’s Room (Before Cooking Competition)

1) Takeru Reacts to Chizuru’s Comment

http://imgur.com/QJiUx1m

“Hey…! Is that really the first thing you’re going to say!? And what do you mean!? How bad did you think it was going to be?”

The punctuation preceding the exclamation point strikes me as unnecessary. Placing an ellipsis before the exclamation point kills the emphasis usually imparted by the latter piece of punctuation.

On an unrelated note, adding ‘by that’ at the end of the third sentence would improve sentence clarity.

Possible Change:

“Hey! Is that really the first thing you’re going to say!? And what do you mean by that!? How bad did you think it was going to be?”

If you absolutely wanted to maintain the pause created by the ellipsis, I would place it after the exclamation point like so:

Hey!...

While not technically correct, it would create a short pause between the first and second sentence (consistent with Takeru’s irritated reaction).

2) You Know What they Say About Rooms… (two lines later)

Line in question: http://imgur.com/SrngKZS

Backlog: http://imgur.com/QJiUx1m

I believe someone already mentioned this typo already, but here it is all the same.

“They say that person’s room can tell you a lot about their true nature, after all.”

Correction (missing ‘a’):

“They say that a person’s room can tell you a lot about their true nature, after all.”

 

Waiting for Chizuru (Date)

http://imgur.com/8i73qHy

“…What could she have possibly called me all the way out here for?” (Takeru)

This is a nitpicky one, but I’d argue that this line would read much more naturally if rephrased slightly.

Possible Change:

“…For what possible reason could she have called me all the way out here?”

 

Re-education Program

http://imgur.com/8i73qHy (four lines after previously discussed line)

“No, wait!! Maybe she feels her lectures alone aren’t enough, so now she’s gonna drag me into some back-alley seminar and have me reeducated into a proper, upstanding member of society!?”

Possible Change:

“Maybe she feels her lectures aren’t enough, so now she’s gonna drag me into some back alley seminar and have me re-educated into a proper, upstanding member of society!?”

This one is debatable, depending on which dictionary you consult. Oxford’s US Dictionary claims ‘re-educate’ is the correct spelling, whereas Cambridge’s Essential American English Dictionary lists its spelling as ‘re-educate’ but mentions the variant without the hyphen. Merriam-Webster lists the correct spelling as ‘reeducate.’ As far as I’m concerned, however, ‘re-educate’ makes a lot more sense, emphasizing the act of ‘re’ education by clearly separating the prefix and avoiding unnecessary confusion with the word ‘reed.’

 

Aftermath of Sidewalk Confrontation (During Date)

http://imgur.com/Zl3KKOG

“You shouldn’t have had to apologize… It should’ve been them…”

This is a really minor issue (since it’s technically correct as is), but I don’t think ‘had’ is strictly necessary here. Removing it streamlines the sentence and preserves its original meaning.

Possible Change:

“You shouldn’t have to apologize… It should’ve been them…”

 

Meiya States the Obvious (Tail End of Argument with Chizuru in Class)

http://imgur.com/AUlBK15

Such commotion… Although I suppose that such is the norm.”

Correction (missing ‘a’):

“Such a commotion… Although I suppose that such is the norm.”

 

Locker Room Scene

http://imgur.com/8ge6Zqa

“Even her skirt… Oh, man…They really shredded this one. If she wore this in public, she’d get arrested for exposure…” (Takeru’s internal monologue)

I believe there should be a space following the second ellipsis.

Possible Change:

“Even her skirt… Oh, man… They really shredded this one. If she wore this in public, she’d get arrested for exposure…”

 

Conversation with Chizuru’s Mom (Outside her House)

http://imgur.com/3Wq1Rva

“Okay then. I let her know.” (Chizuru’s Mom)

Correction (adjusted punctuation, added contraction):

“Okay then, I’ll let her know.”

 

Visiting Akane at the Hospital

http://imgur.com/lc5qcAd

“…Look, I’m gonna I find out as soon as I get out of here anyway, right?” (Akane)

Correction (extra ‘I’):

“…Look, I’m gonna find out as soon as I get out of here anyway, right?” (removed ‘I’)

 

Walking Chizuru Home

http://imgur.com/jDmDyl4

“I just felt a little wind chill, that’s all!” (Chizuru)

In its current form it sounds somewhat unnatural. One usually only refers to wind chill when discussing the weather forecast on particularly cold days (e.g. Today temperatures should fall below -20°C across Michigan, but it’ll feel like -30°C with wind chill, so be sure to bundle up before heading out.). Even if it’s only a ruse on Chizuru’s part—doing her best to put on a brave face while Takeru tells her a ghost story—it should still be in line with colloquial expressions one would use in a similar situation (i.e. in which the speaker is cold).

Possible Changes:

“I just caught a bit of a chill from the wind, that’s all.”

“I just felt a bit of a chill from the wind, that’s all.”

 

Chizuru’s Reaction to Takeru Prying into her Personal Life

http://imgur.com/JiMffpJ

1) Unusual Ellipses:

“Did you have fun… digging up my secrets…?”

“What next, you’ll lay on the pity… and the vague, gentle advice…? Must feel pretty satisfying, huh…” (two lines later)

To expand briefly on my earlier point (see: cooking competition), I don’t believe ellipses should immediately precede punctuation that concludes a sentence. That being said, I think a much stronger case can be made for placing a question mark after an ellipsis than for using an exclamation point in the same situation. Whereas the latter undercuts the urgency conferred by the exclamation point, the former evokes a contemplative mood (although it’s still technically incorrect).

For what it’s worth, however, I’ll propose an alternative here. Removing the ellipses prior to the question marks would still maintain a similar tone considering how many other ellipses are sprinkled throughout the sentence. These ellipses slow down the sentence and force the reader to hang on every word without the need for additional punctuation at the end of the sentence.

Possible Changes:

“Did you have fun… digging up my secrets?

“What next, you’ll lay on the pity… and the vague, gentle advice? Must feel pretty satisfying, huh…” (two lines later)

2) Takeru’s “Fat Nose”

http://imgur.com/JiMffpJ

“Where do you get off sticking your fat nose into my life!?”

I’m not sure how much of this can be attributed to regional dialect (Midwestern U.S., in my case), but I’ve always heard this particular variation of the expression used in conjunction with the word ‘fat’:

“Where do you get off, sticking your big fat nose into my life!?”

I think that a more serious tone would probably work best here, however:

“Where do you get off, sticking your nose into my life!?”

Modifying ‘life’ to ‘personal life’ might also be more appropriate here (adding a degree of specificity without being overly verbose):

“Where do you get off, sticking your nose into my personal life!?”

 

Takeru Feels Sorry for Himself (For the Hundredth Time)

http://imgur.com/MhysfdX

“How the hell was I supposed to show her I’m someone she can depend on without sticking my goddamned neck into her business!?” (Takeru’s internal monologue, classroom: after hours)

Someone already touched on this one somewhere in the Feedback Thread, but it would make more sense if Takeru used the more colloquial ‘stick one’s nose in.’ I’ve also switched ‘goddamned’ to ‘goddam’ to reflect the VN’s standardized spelling.

“How in the hell was I supposed to show her I’m someone she can depend on without sticking my goddam nose into her business!?”

 

Chat with Sumika (Through Window)

1) “It’s Was Me”

http://imgur.com/Vds2Dpg

Someone already pointed out this typo, but I figured I might as well reiterate it here—just to be thorough.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s was me. It’s all my fault, as per usual.” (Sumika)

Correction:

“Yeah, yeah. It was me. It’s all my fault, as per usual.”

2) Slothing Around

http://imgur.com/ne0MMem

“Yeah, but it wouldn’t have started if I didn’t see you slothing around your room, Takeru-chan!” (Sumika)

‘Slothing around’ always struck me as an odd expression. It’s all well and good if it’s a Sumika-ism, but if it isn’t there are a bunch of different, more natural-sounding expressions she could use.

Possible Changes:

“Yeah, but it wouldn’t have started if I didn’t see you lazing around your room, Takeru-chan!”

“Yeah, but it wouldn’t have started if I didn’t see you loafing around your room, Takeru-chan!”

Should you decide to make any changes, keep in mind that the phrase ‘slothing around’ crops up a few times throughout the VN (at least once near the start and once when Sumika starts eating dinner over at Takeru’s place during Meiya and Sumika’s routes).

3) Funky Ellipses

http://imgur.com/5rdB662

“*snicker*Anyway, when you see her tomorrow… Try to cheer Sakaki-san up for us, m’kay?” (Sumika)

Shouldn’t there be a space before the ellipsis here?

Possible Change:

“*snicker* Anyway, when you see her tomorrow… Try to cheer Sakaki-san up for us, m’kay”

 

Takeru Talks Chizuru into Skipping

http://imgur.com/3bcj94H

“…N-No, that’s not… How do I even say this? So then, wait—you mean you’d be totally fine with it?” (Takeru)

 

Another one of those ellipses preceding a question mark crops up here. Considering the other ellipsis in the sentence, it seems somewhat unnecessary (the pace of the sentence is already slowed by the first ellipsis, there’s no need to slow it down even further).

On an unrelated note, I’m not sure ‘so then’ is necessary at the beginning of the third sentence. The word ‘wait’ clearly initiates the shift in subject (from trying to convince Chizuru to confirming whether or not she’d be okay with it) without needing any additional words to start off the sentence.

Possible Change:

“…N-No, that’s not… How do I even say this? Wait—you mean you’d be totally fine with it?

 

How Now, Brown Cow?

http://imgur.com/Lg6xDlH

“…What now, brown cow?” (Ayamine)

This one is particularly nitpicky, since it technically works in its current form, so take this “wording error” with a heaping helping of salt. The expression obliquely alluded to by Ayamine (how now, brown cow?) is partly derived from the archaic expression ‘how now?’, which means “what is the meaning of this” (Oxford’s US English Dictionary). Unless this is meant to be an Ayamine-ism (which may very well be the case), I don’t see any reason why she wouldn’t use the idiom in its original form:

“…How now, brown cow?”

 

Crushin’ On You

http://imgur.com/SjciR0w

“…Man… I’ve got the fattest crush on you.” (Takeru)

This line sounds extremely unnatural in its current form. I’d go with ‘biggest’ instead:

“…Man… I’ve got the biggest crush on you.”

 

“Heart Attack” (Chizuru’s Room)

http://imgur.com/auKNazz

Someone already mentioned this typo, but here it is again, for what it’s worth:

“I mean, like for a while a now, my heart’s been pounding so hard I couldn’t even hear my own voice!” (Takeru)

Correction:

“I mean, like for a while now, my heart’s been pounding so hard I couldn’t even hear my own voice!”

 

Edited by MarcoSnow

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@MarcoSnow yes that one!

 

 

Hopefully they can fix the window 10 bug.

Edited by Rashala

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Side note from steam community on the full screen bug with the recent win10 update

 

A usr stated the steam app borderless gaming fixed it for him.    Perhaps the devs could incorporate what the app does into the game to solve this?

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On 11/08/2016 at 5:01 AM, Jawer said:

French isn’t restricted to describing French food. Going by that standard, Takeru should keep on using “umai” over “Delicious” since he’s being fed a super Japanese dish. Japan use English to make things sound fancy the same way some people might use French to do the same.

If Takeru was restricted to what a japanese teenager in japan would know, he wouldn't be speaking  english so fluently. Since you care about what’s on the japanese script, you might find this interesting. When he’s complimenting her food, Takeru goes from a variation of “umai” to “delicious”  which, in my view, push his compliments to a new level. Going from English to French helped preserve this in the English localization. 

Having said that, i'm not diehard fan of the phrase because lazy summer me had to look up what "Très bien" meant while i was playing.  I like how it's used but..ugh..i guess the heat made me easily annoyed and not want to do any unnecessary work.  rantrantrant

Just imagine if it was another character (voiced) talking, or if Takeru was voiced.
You would hear Takeru saying "delicious" (told in a Japanese way) & read something in French ? No, because that would make no sense, it would be translated as "delicious".
It's a "VOST"/subbed game, i.e. the translation is a support to understand what the character says in its original language.

Edited by ProfesseurM

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@ProfesseurM:

Translating sometimes requires adapting to your audience. The case here is that Takeru is using English to change from his everyday Japanese. When you translate into English, this effect is lost unless you find another way.

If there's a joke, a pun made on Japanese words, will you translate bluntly (and lose the humor) or rather find an equivalent in the translated language?

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1 hour ago, cabfe said:

If there's a joke, a pun made on Japanese words, will you translate bluntly (and lose the humor) or rather find an equivalent in the translated language?

I mostly agree with you, though that line of thought can be taken too far.  For instance, Steins;Gate makes use of a lot of Japanese cultural and media references as a base for its humor.  The visual novel did a great job of preserving that while still being entertaining for those who may not get all the references, but the anime dub decided to completely obliterate everything that made the humor of Steins;Gate what it was, and replaced it with generic western geek references instead.  At some point, you've stopped localizing and started rewriting.  This is also why we will likely never see a dub of the Monogatari series, an anime that is completely reliant on Japanese word play for its humor.

I don't think the Muv-Luv translation does that, but it is something to keep in mind.  

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